“Christian men are weak”
“The guys in our bible study are never going to do anything”
“Christian guys don’t know how to lead”
“Our generation of guys is turning out to be a complete failure”
I’ve been a part of numerous conversations where girls have made statements like the above, usually rather emphatically or with great frustration. As much as I try to avoid making statements like these, I myself have uttered words laced with disappointment regarding how guys my age have failed at what I would consider to be biblical masculinity. I think it’s fairly easy to say that the girls of my generation are frustrated with the guys. While most of us girls can say that we know a few solid Christian guys, we also look at guys as a whole and think that things look bleak. We see passive men, men who are avoiding responsibility, men who seem oblivious to their God given roles. We see men who seem content to never fully grow up.
There are plenty of articles that discuss the topic of Christian men and the current issues. I’m not even going to try to delve into any of that here. What’s on my mind is not about whether what we see in guys is valid or not, or even what it is that we see in guys, rather it’s the responses to the situation that are sticking out to me right now. A lot of what we see in guys may be valid, but our responses are often not. The harshness of our responses do not line up with biblical womanhood.
Assuming that I’m going to get married one day, that means that my future husband is out there fighting the battle of being a man in today’s world. I’m not gonna lie, I’m hoping that my future husband is one of the guys who was lucky enough to have a good grasp of biblical masculinity from a younger age. But maybe, at this present moment, my future husband is struggling with what it means to be a Christian man. And maybe he’s getting beaten down during the process. Maybe, just maybe, if the Church, particularly us girls, did what we could to make the process easier for him, he’d get there a bit faster. Wouldn’t I rather that the girls in his life do everything they can to help enable him to be the man that God created him to be? Shouldn’t I be doing the same for the men in my life? Not only for their sake, but also for the sake of my sisters in Christ?
Obviously I’ve never been a guy, but I’m guessing that it’s hard to be one. The odds are stacked against you. Not only do you have a flesh and blood battle going on, you’ve got an enemy who knows that the key to so many things that he wants lies with keeping you men beaten down.
Guys, I’m sorry for the things that girls say. I’m sorry for our attitudes. I’m sorry for taking over in situations where we needed to step back and let you men lead, even if it meant letting go of the outcome of such situations. I’m sorry that we, as girls, don’t always take the time to understand what biblical masculinity should look like so that we can support you in pursuing it. I’m sorry that we call you out on your failures while completely ignoring our own.
I’m sorry if the Church is failing you. I’m sorry that the previous generation oftentimes fails to understand the culture that has been created around you by feminism, technology, and the hook-up culture.
I’m sorry for trivializing the hard things that you guys face. I’m sorry for any negative statements I’ve made about Christian guys.
I’m not even entirely sure how I can go about helping out the guys in my life, but I do know that I want to help them and not hinder them. I think the future success of almost everything depends on guys filling their God given roles. And at the end of the day, no matter what us girls do, the responsibility of being Christian men falls squarely on the guys’ shoulders. God isn’t going to hold us girls accountable for whether or not guys rise to the occasion. We’ve got enough of our own failures as women to account for as it is. But I’m hoping that I can do better at figuring out how to help the guys out as we navigate through an undoubtedly difficult stage of life.